Wikiweirdia

Wikipedia is weird.

While having my last cigarette before going to bed, I was kinda bored. I'd been reading about wasps (don't ask) on wikipedia, so I decided to hit the "random article" button.

I was sent here.

As I sat there staring, with a very confused WTF? bouncing around in my head, I got the crazy notion of hitting the button again.

This time I was sent here.

How did I even manage to get by in the years before wikipedia? My mind boggles at the thought.

Edit: I decided to try it one more time. After all, wikipedia can't be made up of nothing but useless information, right? There are, surely, a lot of well-written, informative and interesting articles in their database? Well.. take a look at this. I should think the evidence speaks for itself.

I feel like I could do this all night.

News, fresh like a virgins nipple

This blog is probably not most famous for being a up-to-date comment on the very latest world events. In case you just became worried, rest assured that this will not happen. However, today I bring you all a few fresh news stories that I found oddly fascinating. Firstly, have a look at this report about the Ama, female Japanese pearl divers (average age: 72). I found it interesting how a profession thought better suited to women than men could be close to extinction while a Korean cosmetics company provides free makup for the poor. Daily necessities, indeed. But hey, that's how the world is, now, like before: The most important use of the woman is as pretty collectibles for men. And, of course, a starving woman equals a pretty woman (remember, kids: It's not called "skinny" but "slender").
Lastly, a completely random report: If you go to India, remember to bring Coca-Cola, because you might not get a hold of it there. You see, since soft drinks are bad for you, they've been banned. Beautiful simplicity. Meanwhile, we're upset because of stricter laws against smoking.. Oh, and while the world is rapidly descending into a whirlpool of shit, the most intelligent people on the planet (yes, even smarter than me, although it hurts to admit it) hide in their attics solving math problems.

This concludes our annual news bulletin.

Mama Mia, Let My People Go

The last few weeks there's been a debate in Norwgian media. The debate has been concerning whether author Jostein Gaarder is a anti-semite or not. You see, Gaarder wrote an essay in which he says that Israel shouldn't be killing children, because he thinks it's naughty. Jews all over the world got enraged by this, saying it's ok to kill children as long as they're muslims, and accused the author of anti-semitism and devil worshipping. Gaarder was surprised by this, because he didn't know how much jews love to kill children. Of course, he should've done his homework, like me. So, in the spirit of anti-semitism, here's a quick Angry-La special: Evil Jew Timetable.

-A long time ago: First Jew born. Immediately chokes his mother to death using the umbilical cord.
-Shortly after: Jews exterminate dinosaurs. While laughing.
-2000 B.C: First Jew in space. Does not return, possibly made pact with aliens.
-36 A.D: Jews torture and kill Jesus. They also poked him with a stick.
-1913 A.D: Jews create Richard Nixon in a lab.
-1939 A.D: Jews provoke Adolf Hitler into starting the Second World War. When this proves counter-productive, they invent the atomic bomb.
-1948 A.D: Israel is created, providing a place for all Jews to rub their hands together and laugh maniacally. Here they discover the joys of killing Arab children.
-1967 A.D: Jews occupies Palestine, starts randomly invading neighbouring countries for laughs.
-1975 A.D: Jews create Microsoft, their most evil project yet.
-2006 A.D: Norwegian author Jostein Gaarder writes an essay in which he says he no longer acknowledges the state of Israel. Well, at least the one created in 1967.

Of course, this list is far from complete. Jews have also made the movie Pearl Harbor, created TV Shop, and killed your dog. If you feel I have forgotten something important, feel free to add to the timetable. Just make sure you've got your facts straight. And remember, kids: Anti-semitism is not discrimination, it's common sense.

The Dark Age

A wise and horny man once said; 'tis better to have loved and lost, and so on. Well, he was obviously not talking about the internet. Because I'm here to tell you, munchkins, for a man who've gotten used to the easy world access of the web it's a truly painful experience to have it snatched away. Which, you guessed it, is excactly what happened to me well over a month ago. I did in no way stop living, but my existence was forcefully changed in a way I've yet to fathom completely.

Before you make lots of strange noises with your nose and start sending me hatemail telling me how pathetic I am, consider this: The 'net is full of news. It lets us pay our bills and change our adresses in an instant. It has a far more up-to-date list of jobs and apartments for hire than all the handheld newspapers combined. It makes communication with friends, enemies and fictional cartoon characters far too easy. Besides, it's filled with delighfully random weirdness. Wondering where you've seen that actor before? IMDB. Stuck in a videogame? Gamefaqs. Hungry? Milk and cookies. Feel like reading something with real meaning, something to stimulate several brain functions at once whil keeping you entertained? Angry-La.. well, maybe that last one was a bad example. But my point still stands: Once you've learned the ways of the 'net, it becomes an external limb of sorts. If it's removed, your brain starts to limp. Allow me to provide a short, but embarassing example.
The other day, someone was saying something naughty about a certain country, let us call it Nicerael. The reason, as you all know, was that this country (consisting mostly of fluffy bunnies and evil arabs) had invaded another. Upon hearing this, I was all "what? They've invaded Iran?".

...

And there you have it. To sum up: Internet good, Israel bad. And me lazy (I always wondered what all those newspapers were for). Until next time, kids: Play nice, or else you're likely to be eaten by a Jew.