Chicks With Pixels (part two)

(Continued from part one)

In fact, the entire concept of "adult content" must have taken the wrong turn somewhere as it drove into Videogame City, and, as usual, it pisses me the fuck off. Yet another brainless adolescent fantasy paraded as a work of fucking art. I call bullshit. The Longest Journey, in it's day, was one of the few games to sprinkle the word "fuck" among its many lengthy dialogues, and it was heavily berated for it. Although this was done rather clumsily, the effort was still applaudable. Since the people using the word were meant to be crude bastards (not actually villains, though), its use was firmly placed in the corner of characterization, not attention whoring. Later games fared worse (Fiddy, I'm looking at you). When vulgar elements are used without (rhyme or) reason, you stop looking like a pro and start looking like a jackass (pun very much intended). This goes for all art forms. Even good B-films know this, for proof, watch preacher man Harvey Keitels reaction when asked if he's a "mean motherfucking servant of God" in From Dusk Till Dawn; he answers using the same wording, but censoring the "motherfucking" part. I'm not saying all game writers should try to be Tarantino (actually, please God no! Imagine Kratos going on about Medusa pussy for forty fucking hours), but would it kill them to insert some actual wit in their dialogue once in a while?

The routine answer to accusations of immaturity in games is that it's a young medium. Well, guess what? You're not fucking eight years old anymore, in case you forgot. As an example, Loom, made in 1990, is a game that much more mature than most made today, it makes you wonder if "games are art" will ever be anything but a joke to all the random people (it probably won't, by the way). But let's leave the swearing and even the violence for some other time, and focus on the wish fulfillment, or, more specifically: The woman parts. Yeah! I knew that would wake you up.

It's a fact (sorry ladies, but I sincerely hope this does not come as a surprise to anyone) that most games are made by men, for men (or rather, boys, but let's postpone that discussion). This creates some interesting situations. You see, some games, notably role-playing games (which includes both WoW and AoC), allow you to choose the gender and appearance of your avatar (the character representing you on the screen) yourself. Dilemma! Do you create a woman, so you get a nice ass to look at while trudging about these endless MMO worlds (AoC even lets you choose your own breast size! Now I know why I stopped playing WoW), or a man, which, after all (assuming you are one in real life), is a tad bit more representative? Personally, I think it's far too bizarre talking to a man through a female avatar, so I always make men in MMO's (insert wish fulfillment joke here, har har, fuck off). In singleplayer games, it's a whole different set of problems. I'd naturally prefer to run around for hour upon hour with a more-or-less-abstract representation of bootylicious female curves, but the story keeps getting in my way. I must admit I find it somewhat disturbing being forced into romantic relationships with a large, dreadlocked negro man, even if it's just for a small part of the plot, but the more pressing problem is the nagging feeling of missing out. The female romances are often simply better written, or more fulfilling, and oh look, we're back at wish fulfillment.

A short recap, then. When choosing your avatars gender, what are the pros and cons? The female avatar you can mold into your idea of the perfect woman. Er, with certain limitations, of course. However, you'll miss out on parts of the storyline and will be harassed in MMOs. Male avatars, on the other hand, have asses that retreat into the body, making them no more attractive to women or gay people that to heterosexual men. On the other hand, the game has most probably been tailor-made (like a glove to a cock) to a male protagonist, so you'll get the best sub-plots and all the pixelated chicks in the game will probably want to ride your digital monkey. Now that's art for ya.