Mother Nature Strikes Again! A ladder was mercilessly attacked by a cow yesterday. If, by some strange twist of fate, you don't understand Norwegian, here's the gist of it:
A hired Lithuanian was innocently painting a house (what kind of house? It doesn't say) when the cow known as Monkey (lie) pushed the ladder he was on top of (but not in a sexual way, he claims), causing the man to break both his wrists. He explained what had happened by waving his limp hands around (a sight I would pay dearly to see) since he spoke neither English nor Norwegian. Noone knows what trauma the ladder suffers as a result of this. The police are holding the cow in custody, but have yet to extract a motive. Then again, they're not reading this blog. 'Cause you and I know what happened, don't we? Oh yes we do.
On a completely different note, I'm leaving my dirty den for an unknown amount of time, which means I probably won't update much during next week. Although, if the 5-year high-school anniversary I'm going to turns crazy I might drop a few lines. You just never know.
Also, 'Don't Get Lost in Heaven' has now officially replaced 'Fire Coming Out of the Monkey's Head' as my favourite 'Demon Days' track.
June 30, 2005
June 29, 2005
Interview With the Vampyre
Let's talk job interviews. My first meeting with this oh-so-crucial aspect of modern civilization was a few weeks ago, as previously mentioned. Then, all of a sudden, I've had three more in the last two days. Now, while today's interview was a quite uplifting affair, the two I had yesterday, both for telemarketing companies, struck me as rather bizarre. Let me count the ways..
The first one was strange in how the interviewers, a man and a woman, had clearly assigned roles. I felt like I was being interrogated, left in a small room, refused water (although in truth, I never asked), and being constantly cross-examined. First off, the man (bad cop) would ask me some questions about my background, personal qualifications and motivation for taking the job. Then he left, and the woman (good cop) came in, asking all sorts of relevant and irrelevant questions, including those I had already been asked, in a friendly manner. About 45 minutes later, another switch.
Bad Cop returned with mostly excactly the same questions, only this time he was quite a bit more aggressive in tone. How many times do I have to say why I want the job, anyway? In the end I felt like shouting out "the money! I'm here for the goddamn money!" but never did.
And yet, despite the 'bad NYPD Blue episode' feel of the whole situation, it was a lot more of an actual interview than the next one. The next one was, you see, something as utterly pointless as a group interview. Me and about nine other people were sitting around a table, trying to resist the urge to masturbate and wondering if that would get us the job. We also had a mini-discussion, regarding Norway's flabby royal line and whether they should be brutally executed or not (I had to argue not, unfortunately). In the end I can't really see what information the Potential Employers could possibly get about us as individuals, but then again, there is no 'I' in 'telemarketing'. Wait, there is. My bad.
Oh, and both interviews lasted for at least one hour. Which is at least 20 minutes too much for a part-time job. No offense meant (take note, because I rarely mean little or no offense), but you Potential Employers really need to ease up a bit. You won't know if someone is fit for the job until they've tried it, no matter how many suits they wear and how much damage their hair is doing to the ozone layer.
About the last interview, however, I've got nothing but good things to say. And so I won't say it, since I know how easily bored you people are.
The first one was strange in how the interviewers, a man and a woman, had clearly assigned roles. I felt like I was being interrogated, left in a small room, refused water (although in truth, I never asked), and being constantly cross-examined. First off, the man (bad cop) would ask me some questions about my background, personal qualifications and motivation for taking the job. Then he left, and the woman (good cop) came in, asking all sorts of relevant and irrelevant questions, including those I had already been asked, in a friendly manner. About 45 minutes later, another switch.
Bad Cop returned with mostly excactly the same questions, only this time he was quite a bit more aggressive in tone. How many times do I have to say why I want the job, anyway? In the end I felt like shouting out "the money! I'm here for the goddamn money!" but never did.
And yet, despite the 'bad NYPD Blue episode' feel of the whole situation, it was a lot more of an actual interview than the next one. The next one was, you see, something as utterly pointless as a group interview. Me and about nine other people were sitting around a table, trying to resist the urge to masturbate and wondering if that would get us the job. We also had a mini-discussion, regarding Norway's flabby royal line and whether they should be brutally executed or not (I had to argue not, unfortunately). In the end I can't really see what information the Potential Employers could possibly get about us as individuals, but then again, there is no 'I' in 'telemarketing'. Wait, there is. My bad.
Oh, and both interviews lasted for at least one hour. Which is at least 20 minutes too much for a part-time job. No offense meant (take note, because I rarely mean little or no offense), but you Potential Employers really need to ease up a bit. You won't know if someone is fit for the job until they've tried it, no matter how many suits they wear and how much damage their hair is doing to the ozone layer.
About the last interview, however, I've got nothing but good things to say. And so I won't say it, since I know how easily bored you people are.
June 27, 2005
Fire Coming Out of the Monkey's Head
I have been meaning to write a mini-review of Gorillaz' latest, Demon Days, but have come to the conclusion that it's pointless. I am able to talk about music for some time, but don't have much love for over-analyzers. There's not much to say about the album, really, other than this: If you have the slightest love for music (and I know people who don't), stop masturbating at once and go buy it. Or go buy it when you're done, I guess that's OK as well. Don't even try downloading it (at least not illegally), because the mountain known as Monkey will know.
Yesterday, I overheard a kid singing ABBA while on the toilet. It was somewhat disturbing, but also tells you everything you need to know about their 'music'.
The mountain has spoken.
Yesterday, I overheard a kid singing ABBA while on the toilet. It was somewhat disturbing, but also tells you everything you need to know about their 'music'.
The mountain has spoken.
June 24, 2005
Fix up, look sharp
Just some words of wisdom: Having no money with which to buy food and assorted edibles sucks. But having no money with which to buy tobacco sucks more.
Also feeling friendly today, so here's a warning: Wes Cravens latest horror (and I don't mean that it's scary), 'Cursed', is not worth your money. It's not even worth your toenail clippings. Trust me, it's not funny or ironic, and it's about as intelligent as my slippers. The acting, meanwhile, would make Ed Wood proud.
Todays nerdspeak: D1zz33 Rasc4l pwns.
Also feeling friendly today, so here's a warning: Wes Cravens latest horror (and I don't mean that it's scary), 'Cursed', is not worth your money. It's not even worth your toenail clippings. Trust me, it's not funny or ironic, and it's about as intelligent as my slippers. The acting, meanwhile, would make Ed Wood proud.
Todays nerdspeak: D1zz33 Rasc4l pwns.
June 23, 2005
Stars. Also, Wars.
Haven't posted in almost a week now. But remember, a true blogger never blogs when he hasn't got anything to blog about.
OK, that one was weak, I admit. You want to hear the somewhat embarassing truth? It's all George Lucas' fault. Well, not really. But my soul has been officially sucked into his blasted sci-fi fantasy universe, and the dirty soulsucker is titled Knights of the Old Republic (a somewhat silly name, I know). Here, the player finally gets a chance to become a true Jedi!
...
Like we've never played a jedi before. Bah, the premise is just as hokey as all the other Star Wars games (I think there's about 335325 SW games on the market now, and tomorrow LucasArts is releasing 750 more, including "Wookie vs. TIE Fighter" and "Sexy Hutts through history: wallpaper collection") but THIS game has been consumed by the Dark Side. It practically terminates your social life as you once knew it. Also, it makes your skin paler, you'll become skinnier, smell fouler and develop several eye diseases from lack of sleep.
What I'm trying to say is, it's fantastic. Hey, at least it's not WoW. One day I'll finish it, maybe even twice, and then I can resume my real life functions.
In other news: Well how the fuck should I know? You were skipping paragraphs again, weren't you?
OK, that one was weak, I admit. You want to hear the somewhat embarassing truth? It's all George Lucas' fault. Well, not really. But my soul has been officially sucked into his blasted sci-fi fantasy universe, and the dirty soulsucker is titled Knights of the Old Republic (a somewhat silly name, I know). Here, the player finally gets a chance to become a true Jedi!
...
Like we've never played a jedi before. Bah, the premise is just as hokey as all the other Star Wars games (I think there's about 335325 SW games on the market now, and tomorrow LucasArts is releasing 750 more, including "Wookie vs. TIE Fighter" and "Sexy Hutts through history: wallpaper collection") but THIS game has been consumed by the Dark Side. It practically terminates your social life as you once knew it. Also, it makes your skin paler, you'll become skinnier, smell fouler and develop several eye diseases from lack of sleep.
What I'm trying to say is, it's fantastic. Hey, at least it's not WoW. One day I'll finish it, maybe even twice, and then I can resume my real life functions.
In other news: Well how the fuck should I know? You were skipping paragraphs again, weren't you?
June 18, 2005
The bitch is back, also vengeful
I went outside today, and shortly after I was brutally set upon by a bush. But this was no ordinary bush, not even the kind that drops bombs on you when you're not looking. No, dear/damn reader, this was the sort to chase one around Oslo screaming, which is exactly what it did, and typically noone even tried to help me. So anyways, what I learned from that unfortunate event is this: Going Outside is bad. It's unlikely I'll try it again anytime soon.
But what, you may, no, shall ask, would cause an otherwise peaceful bush to jump me like that? I have a theory, of course.
It's a vast conspiracy, planned and executed by none other than Mother Nature herself. Listen to this, her plan was quite brilliant: Instead of doing the tired old "zapped by lightning" routine, she employed some of her most trusted agents, mainly the sun and aforementioned bush. The sun had, naturally (oh the puns! the puns!), the most important role. He shone, like the brilliant bastard he is, just to lure me out of the relative safety of this deep, dark hole I call "home". The hook was there, and i gobbled it up, like a pale, bored fish.
Her one mistake, clever in idea though it was, was tasking a bush to to the dirty deed. I got away to tell the tale, and to warn others like me. I suspect, you see, that she simply wanted revenge for all the shit she's had to take over the years.
And if that's the case, you can bet she'll come gunning for you too, and soon. So stay on your toes, and fear Mother Nature.
But what, you may, no, shall ask, would cause an otherwise peaceful bush to jump me like that? I have a theory, of course.
It's a vast conspiracy, planned and executed by none other than Mother Nature herself. Listen to this, her plan was quite brilliant: Instead of doing the tired old "zapped by lightning" routine, she employed some of her most trusted agents, mainly the sun and aforementioned bush. The sun had, naturally (oh the puns! the puns!), the most important role. He shone, like the brilliant bastard he is, just to lure me out of the relative safety of this deep, dark hole I call "home". The hook was there, and i gobbled it up, like a pale, bored fish.
Her one mistake, clever in idea though it was, was tasking a bush to to the dirty deed. I got away to tell the tale, and to warn others like me. I suspect, you see, that she simply wanted revenge for all the shit she's had to take over the years.
And if that's the case, you can bet she'll come gunning for you too, and soon. So stay on your toes, and fear Mother Nature.
June 17, 2005
Realizations
It just hit me like an elephant accidentally stepping on my scrotum: I've spent the entire day reading webcomics. The entire day! Worst part is, I didn't even enjoy them that much. I do, however, suspect that these two factors (entire day spent & not enjoy very very much. Pay attention, people!) are inextricably linked.
I'm looking forward to getting a job, earning some money, and buying myself a life. Hopefully a nice one, but I'll settle for anything.
I'm looking forward to getting a job, earning some money, and buying myself a life. Hopefully a nice one, but I'll settle for anything.
Angry-La: The Epic
Due to a severe lack of will to move I have spent most of the day checking up on webcomics. No longer a rare and wonderful thing, it can indeed be hard to navigate the absurd amounts of endlessly drawn-out "sagas" that go nowhere. But fret not! for I am here to guide you through the wilderness.
Well, not really. But at least I can give you my opinion on the ones I bothered to read through today. My point of origin was Topwebcomics, which has a list of comics to vote for, not necessarily including the, well, top web comics. Still, it's a place to start, and if you're willing to excuse some of the drudgery there's some nice ones available, too.
Second on TWCs list is Inverloch, a seemingly quite traditional fantasy tale with the uneven pacing and sometimes downright annoying dialogue that seems to plague these sorts of comics. Still, I was entertained.
Far better, at least in premise, was the current #3, Earthsong. As of today, however, the story hasn't gotten anywhere, and while the dialogue is mostly better, the pacing is much, much worse.
Girl Genius was a lot of fun, but there wasn't nearly as much material to go through at once. It's quite different from the other two, though.
The problem, at least for me, is that I haven't really got the patience to wait for a new page to be published. I want the whole story, and I want it now. Anyways, go have a look, or don't, I really don't care. You're not going to miss a life-changing work of art, that's for sure, but if you're bored, then by all means: Click like crazy.
Well, not really. But at least I can give you my opinion on the ones I bothered to read through today. My point of origin was Topwebcomics, which has a list of comics to vote for, not necessarily including the, well, top web comics. Still, it's a place to start, and if you're willing to excuse some of the drudgery there's some nice ones available, too.
Second on TWCs list is Inverloch, a seemingly quite traditional fantasy tale with the uneven pacing and sometimes downright annoying dialogue that seems to plague these sorts of comics. Still, I was entertained.
Far better, at least in premise, was the current #3, Earthsong. As of today, however, the story hasn't gotten anywhere, and while the dialogue is mostly better, the pacing is much, much worse.
Girl Genius was a lot of fun, but there wasn't nearly as much material to go through at once. It's quite different from the other two, though.
The problem, at least for me, is that I haven't really got the patience to wait for a new page to be published. I want the whole story, and I want it now. Anyways, go have a look, or don't, I really don't care. You're not going to miss a life-changing work of art, that's for sure, but if you're bored, then by all means: Click like crazy.
Revenge of the Python
I'll make this quick. Just saw the trailer for Terry Gilliams latest, the Brothers Grimm, and became very, very happy. Not only because it has been insanely long (seven damn years, for Darths sake!) since the genius-man got to make his previous film, but also because it looks bloody brilliant.
And here I was thinking the Hitchhiker trailer was lovely. Which is was, of course. Hush, I'm trying to make a point.
Now, go watch it or I'll eat your grandmother.
And here I was thinking the Hitchhiker trailer was lovely. Which is was, of course. Hush, I'm trying to make a point.
Now, go watch it or I'll eat your grandmother.
June 16, 2005
Tennis, WoW, and porn
Now that I've gotten through my very first job interview (no, I'm not 15, just lazy) I really don't have much to do except sit back and wait for a coherent answer. With people playing tennis outside my window all day long I really shouldn't be getting bored any time soon, anyway.
With me getting closer to actually making money this summer I also feel the pull of World of Warcraft, from which I quit some months back to focus on doing stuff in the real world, like having exams. Now, there's really only one reason for going back, and that's playing with my friends and guildies. The problem is, there's not a whole lot to do in WoW, you kill monsters, chat with friends, and then you kill some more monsters. And maybe kill some more monsters after that. The whole thing gets old pretty fast, and with lack of variation comes lack of interest. You do have the option of killing players instead, of course, but since I'll never play enough to compete with the top ranking players, it all seems a bit pointless.
Oh, and it's summer, the sun's all "Hey you fuckers! I'm out here" and I've got a crapload of single-player games I wanna check out. So my next visit to Azeroth will probably be more of a social call than a neverending journey.
On a completely different note, what makes Darth Vader go "noooooooooooooooo!"? Have a look. In other news, Deep Throat may now become a movie. Wait, wasn't it already? Bet that'll create confusion down at the local porn store.
With me getting closer to actually making money this summer I also feel the pull of World of Warcraft, from which I quit some months back to focus on doing stuff in the real world, like having exams. Now, there's really only one reason for going back, and that's playing with my friends and guildies. The problem is, there's not a whole lot to do in WoW, you kill monsters, chat with friends, and then you kill some more monsters. And maybe kill some more monsters after that. The whole thing gets old pretty fast, and with lack of variation comes lack of interest. You do have the option of killing players instead, of course, but since I'll never play enough to compete with the top ranking players, it all seems a bit pointless.
Oh, and it's summer, the sun's all "Hey you fuckers! I'm out here" and I've got a crapload of single-player games I wanna check out. So my next visit to Azeroth will probably be more of a social call than a neverending journey.
On a completely different note, what makes Darth Vader go "noooooooooooooooo!"? Have a look. In other news, Deep Throat may now become a movie. Wait, wasn't it already? Bet that'll create confusion down at the local porn store.
June 13, 2005
Links: The backbone of modern society
So I cut my hair. Turned out there were no demons in there at all, which was a nice surprise. I went from looking like a fluffy hippie to something more along the lines of a crazed, evil football supporter. A refreshing change, I'm sure.
Figured I ought to say something about my pretty pretty links on the side there. Basically it goes like this:
Democracy Now! is an excellent alternative to cookie-cutter news channels. It's also free and downloadable, so what the hell are you doing here reading this? Get over there pronto and check it out!
Darkfall Online looks like it could be a fun and addictive MMORPG. It also looks like it'll give the finger to bigger companies (Blizzard, I'm looking at you) and show them how it's supposed to be done. Personally I tired of my very first MMO in less than two months (it's very likely I'll get back to you on that), so needless to say I'm like, totally psyched, man. Go have a lookie, and be nice to my brother while you are there. Otherwise I'll come after you with my pitchfork of.. um, let's call it "backstabbing"..
Next item: Just Adventure+. If you're a fan of this so-called "dying" games genre, you'll love it. If you're not a fan of adventure games you're a moron. No offense.
The Underdogs is for everyone, moron or no, who likes being able to check out all the games you couldn't afford when you were a noisy little kid. Most are free to download, and I can't think of a single reason not to visit. Except for maybe this "life" thing everyone's going on about.
Finally (at the present time) we have Scary Go Round, one of the few webcomics actually worth reading. Also see The Noob and Scaryduck (neither scary, a duck nor a comic, but fun nonetheless), who aren't on my link list for reasons unknown. But both are worth a good chunk of your time, except that's probably not saying much.
So that's it. Go click. Stop reading.
Figured I ought to say something about my pretty pretty links on the side there. Basically it goes like this:
Democracy Now! is an excellent alternative to cookie-cutter news channels. It's also free and downloadable, so what the hell are you doing here reading this? Get over there pronto and check it out!
Darkfall Online looks like it could be a fun and addictive MMORPG. It also looks like it'll give the finger to bigger companies (Blizzard, I'm looking at you) and show them how it's supposed to be done. Personally I tired of my very first MMO in less than two months (it's very likely I'll get back to you on that), so needless to say I'm like, totally psyched, man. Go have a lookie, and be nice to my brother while you are there. Otherwise I'll come after you with my pitchfork of.. um, let's call it "backstabbing"..
Next item: Just Adventure+. If you're a fan of this so-called "dying" games genre, you'll love it. If you're not a fan of adventure games you're a moron. No offense.
The Underdogs is for everyone, moron or no, who likes being able to check out all the games you couldn't afford when you were a noisy little kid. Most are free to download, and I can't think of a single reason not to visit. Except for maybe this "life" thing everyone's going on about.
Finally (at the present time) we have Scary Go Round, one of the few webcomics actually worth reading. Also see The Noob and Scaryduck (neither scary, a duck nor a comic, but fun nonetheless), who aren't on my link list for reasons unknown. But both are worth a good chunk of your time, except that's probably not saying much.
So that's it. Go click. Stop reading.
June 12, 2005
Demon Days
My hair is really getting in my way these days. It's strange, whenever I motion towards the hair-cutter-thingy it's like there's this tiny voice, screaming "noo! don't cut me plz" which kinda makes it hard to follow through. I have checked for tiny people, but there are none. I have come to the somewhat comforting conclusion that my hair must have taken on a life of its own.
Or, possibly, it's posessed. Which isn't nearly as comforting a thought.
So I'm planning a trip to the local church-place to talk to the local priest-person about testing my hair for demonic ectoplasm (or whatever demons are using for their waterbeds nowadays). And if he finds any I'll just dip my head in the nearest baptismal font and run away whimpering, hopefully surviving the mildly sarcastic remarks the churchgoers throw after me. And, also, the violent aftermath of a sudden exorcism, which is bound to leave some buildings in the immediate area (including said church-place) somewhat scorched. Oh well.
Maybe I should just cut my hair instead.
June 10, 2005
A link to the what?
Let's try this here linkin' stuff. Only problem is, I can't seem to find anything worth linking to today, 'cause the net's all full of shit (thank Lordie for me blog, eh?).
Oh, here we go. Want to start your own radio show? Well I sure don't. Not if it means having to read through all that text.
But hey, hopefully the link is just about hyper enough and therefore working. And in that case I feel I've deserved a vacation for all my hard work. I DID spend the better part of ten minutes figuring this out, after all.
And then a few minutes writing this.
But you just can't be pleased, can you? You demand another link, do you? Spoiled pecker person you. Alright, go here, and don't come back.
And rest assured that I will never, ever link here.
Oh, here we go. Want to start your own radio show? Well I sure don't. Not if it means having to read through all that text.
But hey, hopefully the link is just about hyper enough and therefore working. And in that case I feel I've deserved a vacation for all my hard work. I DID spend the better part of ten minutes figuring this out, after all.
And then a few minutes writing this.
But you just can't be pleased, can you? You demand another link, do you? Spoiled pecker person you. Alright, go here, and don't come back.
And rest assured that I will never, ever link here.
Hurray!
Yes! I'm hip! I'm cutting edge! I'm at the forefront of a new phenomena!
...
What's that you're saying? People have been blogging for years? Really?
...
Oh well.
At least I tried.
So, who am I and why am I starting this blog? None of your damn business. I'm Norwegian, yet I'm writing in English. Deal with it. I'll just start off by saying that for those of you who are still hoping to find a blog worth reading on a daily basis, give it up. Get a life or something. There's a whole bloody world out there, for crying out loud.
...
Still here? Good. Now we've gotten rid of all those damn positive people. Let's talk substance. Here you will learn all you'll ever need to know about the world. All you'll ever need to know about the world is this: It sucks. It's about getting through the day without wondering what the next piece of shit's going to taste like. And that's fine. I mean, if the world was all orgasms and happy sundials, what the hell would I have to write about?
Not much.
So on that happy note, welcome to my blog. If you've made it this far, you're either someone I've told to check this out (that probably means friends, family or whatever) or you're seriously demented and/or bored. So what will this pointless ranting be about? What's the point of pointless, you might ask? Well, for one thing, it'll be a place free of that pesky grammar (something that could be said of the internet in general). Also, I am the king of this pretend-kingdom, situated in a non-existent space of the world, which means I get to sound off. So does everyone else, of course, as long as the scream-and-shout-button works the way it's supposed to.
About that: Please do not expect a polite answer. You won't get it. In fact, you'll probably get the opposite. So let's hear it, who do you want to throw faeces at today?
Oh, and I might say something clever someday, so stick around.
Pretty please?
...
What's that you're saying? People have been blogging for years? Really?
...
Oh well.
At least I tried.
So, who am I and why am I starting this blog? None of your damn business. I'm Norwegian, yet I'm writing in English. Deal with it. I'll just start off by saying that for those of you who are still hoping to find a blog worth reading on a daily basis, give it up. Get a life or something. There's a whole bloody world out there, for crying out loud.
...
Still here? Good. Now we've gotten rid of all those damn positive people. Let's talk substance. Here you will learn all you'll ever need to know about the world. All you'll ever need to know about the world is this: It sucks. It's about getting through the day without wondering what the next piece of shit's going to taste like. And that's fine. I mean, if the world was all orgasms and happy sundials, what the hell would I have to write about?
Not much.
So on that happy note, welcome to my blog. If you've made it this far, you're either someone I've told to check this out (that probably means friends, family or whatever) or you're seriously demented and/or bored. So what will this pointless ranting be about? What's the point of pointless, you might ask? Well, for one thing, it'll be a place free of that pesky grammar (something that could be said of the internet in general). Also, I am the king of this pretend-kingdom, situated in a non-existent space of the world, which means I get to sound off. So does everyone else, of course, as long as the scream-and-shout-button works the way it's supposed to.
About that: Please do not expect a polite answer. You won't get it. In fact, you'll probably get the opposite. So let's hear it, who do you want to throw faeces at today?
Oh, and I might say something clever someday, so stick around.
Pretty please?
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