Pretty Woman offends me on so many levels. It offends me as a misogynist, it offends me as a feminist, I even find it offensive that I thought it was funny and mostly enjoyable. Actually, that last part really pisses me off. I wanted to hate that movie so bad, but how could I? It's Hollywood at it's slickest and most manipulative, and by god, they're good at what they do. So now you're thinking, okay, you enjoyed it (you fucking faggot), then what's there to complain about?
I'll tell you what there's to fucking complain about.
It's a shameless fantasy for women, like a female Star Wars or Die Hard. That's not really a bad thing in itself, but it makes absolutely no effort to appeal to manly men like myself. Women want to be Julia Roberts (or rather, Vivian Whoreface or whatever her name is). She's disgustingly charming, independent and bright, but most importantly: She's seemingly calling all the shots. SHE never goes to HIM, not once (at least, I'm Pretty Sure of this), it's always the other way around. She changes him for the better, and while she also goes through somewhat of a metamorphosis, it's emphasized that she merely realizes her potential. He's transformed on a core level, he goes from a cold, rich bastard to a glowing humanitarian, and it's all because of her. So, while women want to be her, men don't really want to be him. He's worked his ass off, while she's just Pretty Charming. He goes to the opera and does other silly things instead of watching football and drinking beer, like all men dream of. In short, he's a pansy. Just to be clear: Beating up George from Seinfeld doesn't count as macho, okay?
Okay, so you get the picture. I'll put away the big brush for now.
Now, the feminist angle. It glamourizes her profession. Yeah, sure, modern feminists would probably say something like hookerism could be a way of affirming one's sexual power as a woman or somesuch bullshit. Me, I'm old-school, I see it as degrading yourself for money. Theres actually a Pretty Clever little comparison between his job and hers in the movie, but we'll just write that down to Hollywood professionalism, along with the mentions of dead hookers in dumpsters and crazy pimps on crack sporting switchblade skateboards and what have you. The fact remains, and I'm sure noone will disagree with this, Vivian's not a realistic character. She's simply not damaged enough, in fact, she's not damaged at all. If this all sounds a bit too politically correct for you, then kindly go fuck yourself. It's a fairy tale, who cares, right?
But still, there's this nagging feeling that all's not well in Alternative Feminist-ville. He comes to her in a dramatic gesture with a fire-escape and some bullshit, protects her from silly bald rapist lawyers, apologizes to her after pointing out her chosen profession, changes his evil ways for her and so on and so boring, while she smiles and pouts and sucks on his dick and looks pretty. But still, in a more profund sense, he rescues her from reality, removes her from the world. It's never, ever the other way around. Whether the man is rich and the woman poor or vice versa, it's always the man's world thats the ideal one (see Titanic for a contrasting example). I'm probably wrong about the "always" bit, at least I certainly hope so, but it's still the prevailing scenario. And people lap it up! How many women think that men should behave like this, with the big gesturing and the protecting and the crawling and the working? A show of hands, please, be honest now. And how many thought that the comparison to Star Wars was an unfair one?
Fuck it, I'll admit I have a Pretty Weak case here, and also, that joke was Pretty Awful to begin with and I have no fucking idea why I keep repeating it. As a fantasy, as pure escapist entertainment, I have no complaints against Pretty Woman. Just please, for the love of fucking god, don't consider it to be better than (or even different from) high fantasy or science fiction. In fact, in quite a few cases, I'd argue it's the other way around.
Well, I guess that's the root of my annoyance. Maybe I shouldn't use this blog as anger management. I don't really have a joke to finish with, sorry. I will, however, state that Naked Lunch is a fucking amazing movie and everyone should see it, but that's neither here nor there.
Exterminate all rational thought.
