The bitch is back, also vengeful

I went outside today, and shortly after I was brutally set upon by a bush. But this was no ordinary bush, not even the kind that drops bombs on you when you're not looking. No, dear/damn reader, this was the sort to chase one around Oslo screaming, which is exactly what it did, and typically noone even tried to help me. So anyways, what I learned from that unfortunate event is this: Going Outside is bad. It's unlikely I'll try it again anytime soon.

But what, you may, no, shall ask, would cause an otherwise peaceful bush to jump me like that? I have a theory, of course.

It's a vast conspiracy, planned and executed by none other than Mother Nature herself. Listen to this, her plan was quite brilliant: Instead of doing the tired old "zapped by lightning" routine, she employed some of her most trusted agents, mainly the sun and aforementioned bush. The sun had, naturally (oh the puns! the puns!), the most important role. He shone, like the brilliant bastard he is, just to lure me out of the relative safety of this deep, dark hole I call "home". The hook was there, and i gobbled it up, like a pale, bored fish.
Her one mistake, clever in idea though it was, was tasking a bush to to the dirty deed. I got away to tell the tale, and to warn others like me. I suspect, you see, that she simply wanted revenge for all the shit she's had to take over the years.

And if that's the case, you can bet she'll come gunning for you too, and soon. So stay on your toes, and fear Mother Nature.