Divine Intervention

Let us assume, for a moment, that God exists. No, let's go further than that: Let's pretend that I am God (really not much of a stretch). I have just created Man. I feel quite content with myself. Maybe I'm patting myself on the back, saying, "Wow, Me, that was a clever one!". This does not last long, of course. Because Man starts bickering, and bullying each other, and I'm all, "wait a second, this wasn't the plan!" and I start trying to fix it. Floods, plagues, earthquakes, disco, I'm pulling all the stops in order to get rid of the bastards, but somehow, that's always the ones coming out on top. So, naturally, I'm now thinking: "Well, I tried. Now fuck this, I'm outta here!" After that I'd probably just retire, or maybe start over on some other planet far far away.

This is presuming I'm a nice God. Because, if even someone who's omnipotent (me) couldn't manage to weed out the bastards, they're here to stay. While not the main point of this post, my example also serves as a giant "fuck you" to all the "final solution"-believers out there. You cannot fight evil with evil. But I digress.

What then, if I'm a more human-like God? What if Man really were made in My image? Think about it: We humans sure like our soaps. The stories we tell and enjoy the most are the ones with lots of conflict and misery, and we often like the bad guys best, as well. In this case God would be no exception. So it would be natural for Me (still God, in case you'd forgotten) to build the world as a giant soap opera stage. I start it simple, with cavemen bashing each other in the head. But my need for intrigue grows, so I begin complicating things. Soon the stories grow, the conflict intensifies and the stage becomes truly epic, with empires falling, religious wars, weapons of mass destruction and economic collapse.
In one episode, some amazing discoveries are made, where the past truly comes out to haunt the religious leaders (the dinosaurs). In another, a tiny angry man kickstarts a dormant war machine which in turn leads to the attempted genocide of the Jews. And quite recently (and quite brilliantly, if I may say so myself) a dane with good intentions starts riots across most of the muslim world when he prints some cartoons of one of my most prominent protagonists. My continuity is flawless, even though I sometimes have trouble with character development. But: I watch it, and I see that it is good. I am God, and I demand to be entertained!

Then again, it's obvious that I'm not especially fond of happy endings.