The Dark Age

A wise and horny man once said; 'tis better to have loved and lost, and so on. Well, he was obviously not talking about the internet. Because I'm here to tell you, munchkins, for a man who've gotten used to the easy world access of the web it's a truly painful experience to have it snatched away. Which, you guessed it, is excactly what happened to me well over a month ago. I did in no way stop living, but my existence was forcefully changed in a way I've yet to fathom completely.

Before you make lots of strange noises with your nose and start sending me hatemail telling me how pathetic I am, consider this: The 'net is full of news. It lets us pay our bills and change our adresses in an instant. It has a far more up-to-date list of jobs and apartments for hire than all the handheld newspapers combined. It makes communication with friends, enemies and fictional cartoon characters far too easy. Besides, it's filled with delighfully random weirdness. Wondering where you've seen that actor before? IMDB. Stuck in a videogame? Gamefaqs. Hungry? Milk and cookies. Feel like reading something with real meaning, something to stimulate several brain functions at once whil keeping you entertained? Angry-La.. well, maybe that last one was a bad example. But my point still stands: Once you've learned the ways of the 'net, it becomes an external limb of sorts. If it's removed, your brain starts to limp. Allow me to provide a short, but embarassing example.
The other day, someone was saying something naughty about a certain country, let us call it Nicerael. The reason, as you all know, was that this country (consisting mostly of fluffy bunnies and evil arabs) had invaded another. Upon hearing this, I was all "what? They've invaded Iran?".

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And there you have it. To sum up: Internet good, Israel bad. And me lazy (I always wondered what all those newspapers were for). Until next time, kids: Play nice, or else you're likely to be eaten by a Jew.